The Right Kind of Blues
Fun Fact: Blue Jay's are not just my favorite bird, but my favorite animal overall. I am about to tell you why and it is a little lengthy and deep.
The hardest thing about someone close to you passing away is trying to figure out your life without that person. Anytime you think of something funny, you want to call them but remember you can't. You miss them, but can't do anything to change it. Sometimes you get so sad about them not being here with you it takes you to a very dark place. There are so many emotions felt. Anger, depression, gratitude for the amount of time you have had them in your life, and just overall numbness are some of the ones I have felt the most since my brother passed almost a year ago.
I would sit outside by my plant I got for him with a plaque and talk to him almost every day after it happened. I would watch the sky, and look for any kind of sign to see if he was with me. At first, I felt like I wasn't seeing the signs like everyone else had been telling me they were. I opened my eyes a little bit more and started seeing everything around me. I started to notice the birds flying around and landing on the wires to stare at me for a couple of seconds. I started noticing the squirrels getting closer and closer to me as I sat on my deck and they weren't shaking their tails and screaming at me in defense mode anymore. There were feathers that would float by me randomly. There were so many signs I could see that not only was my brother there, so were other relatives that had passed.
I started to buy bird seed and peanuts to put out for the random birds, and squirrels. I wasn't expecting much from it, I just wanted to take care of everybody. I started bringing my camera out to try and catch the beauty of everything I was seeing around me. I was in love with the beauty of the Blue Jay flying around my house that I could never catch a picture of.
One day, I decided to put some peanuts on the roof next to the oak tree the squirrels were living in. I waited patiently with my camera so I could get a picture of them when they came down, when all of a sudden a Blue Jay showed up. I didn't know how much Blue Jay's like peanuts, and also didn't realize I would get a whole party of them in my backyard with the peanuts. I just know that I was amazed with how smart they are, and stayed outside watching them until dark.
I still put peanuts out at least a couple of times a week for these guys and the squirrels. The Blue Jays like to wake me up on the weekend to let me know they are hungry. I have a special whistle for them to let them know I am around, and they usually answer me as close as they can. They wait patiently on the wires and trees while I put the peanuts out on the fence post for them. Sometimes they get impatient and dive to the fence while I am 3 feet away. I usually say "MANNERS" when they do this, and they usually give me the look I tried to portray in this drawing, before squawking at me and grabbing a peanut. I like to think they are saying "Thanks!" and flying away.
Most people think they can be annoying, but I have to give them a lot of credit for keeping me sane and helping me with my grief for the last year. I will forever be grateful for these birds that came into my life when I most needed it. They make me laugh daily, and I will never get over how smart they are.
Because of this, I call this one: "The Right Kind of Blues"
I used colored pencil on black paper.